Mar 17 – The Loneliness of the Non-Distance Runner

 

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With thanks to Mr Sillitoe for the inspiration for the post’s title

A recap

2018, let’s run 2018km to raise £2018 for Alzheimer’s Research – done, tick well done

2019, let’s fix the frozen shoulder and gippy hip, with a view to being able to learn to box this year – aha, a work in progress. And then go back to normal running about 1200/1500kms in a year. Oh and hopefully manage a half marathon sometime during the year.

January – physio started, doctor’s health check done – a few small issues highlighted:-

  • Kidney issuette
  • High cholesterol
  • Shoulder still dodgy, but being fixed
  • Hip being fixed, however it is resisting treatment
  • Migraines a go -go

February – mmm, things aren’t getting any better:-

Kidney infection, necessitating antibiotics for a week

Gastric type flu, which 4 weeks later is still hanging around

Shoulder, now close to being mobile – yippee

Hip, IT Band, Glutes  – all still problematic

I did however, Marie Kondo my running kit drawer, so it looks professional, even if I don’t.

March – 

Flu continues

Shoulder within touching distance of a fix

Hip – being very stubborn and I am banned from running

Upside, we are due back in Italy soon and I have my physio plan.

Downside, my physio plan involves weird crab like manoeuvres, involving me squeezing my buttocks imagining I’m holding a £20 note between them. Having never squeezed a £20 note (or any other denomination or currency) between my buttocks, this does involve a severe look of concentration, coupled with the hope that I don’t really look like a constipated crab.

Now I didn’t know that there is a YouTube character called the Constipated Crab, so here for your delectation is the Constipated Crab Video link. Any similarity between me and said crab is purely physiotherapical (I know it’s not a word!)

 

The main reason for posting is that if I keep doing the Physio and exercises, and if I write about those instead, it’ll keep me on the straight and narrow.

Wish me luck on the latest part of the physio treatment plan. Tomorrow morning – we do the stork, followed by the crab thing, followed by squatting and leg lifts, with my assorted coloured elastic bands. Think primary school bondage, and you’re not far off my current exercising look. I have a fear that after having broken the 2k km in a year, that I could end up redoing C25K again. My fingers are crossed  that me and Mr Smooth don’t actually have to start dating again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

15 Feb – Strike A Pose…

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From geek.com, where more Shrek delights await. Parental Advisory: this site contains images not suitable for children, and I’m not sure they’re any better for adults.

Another day passes, and yet another day without a run (sigh). The upside is though is that Mr JCR and I are in Arnhem for a Winter Wonderland and Fairytale birthday party.

The downside is that one of the friends of our friends is threatening to turn up as a naked Shrek. Green and with dangly bits, it doesn’t bear thinking about, especially for an outdoor barbecue in February. In case your imagination doesn’t stretch that far, here is a pic, so you can enjoy the same nightmare I did last night.

To the more serious bit about running, it is now just on five weeks without a run, and in that time five sets of physio. The good news is the pain is improving, the bad is that it’s not improving anywhere near quickly enough. But I have exercises to do and they seem to help. I am giving myself a mental limit to the end of February to start back running in earnest.

My running limit is 2km per run (as advised by my Physio) I must not run again until the aching subsides – presently that’s been five or six days, most of the pain is centred around the IT band, and it’s being very stubborn in attempts to sort it out.

The exercise regime includes squats, lunges and a crab type thing with buttock squeezes – and when I am being pummelled by the Physio, I more or less have to adopt the Shrek position above.

If I don’t start running soon my buttocks will also resemble Shrek’s. That is my update – an update where nothing is happening. Although I have a feeling that if a naked Shrek does appear on Saturday night, I’ll soon find my running capability comes back very quickly.

More next week, when Mert, Victor and the unnamed lady physio, will be doing their very best to get me moving again.

 

 

 

 

1st Feb – Slush Puppying

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The Beast from the East has returned, hurrah, I had one of my best runs last year when he came to visit.

However, said Beast from the East, is a little smaller this time around. Not so much snow as a scattering of slush on the pavements.

Today is the day, I go for my rehab run – yes I am officially allowed back on the pavements of London.

Runderwear – ready

Socks – ready

Running Tights – ready

Base Layer – ready

Running Top – ready

Gloves – ready

Bobble Hat – ready

Spotify – ready (my new Blue Monday Remedy playlist)

Runner – ready

Out I venture and my warm up walk takes me to the delights of Silicon roundabout. Then I start the running to J Geils and Freeze-frame – what an appropriate tune for my first time out in 3 weeks. My hip and thigh are twingeing a bit, so I am as slow as a snail. Good job really as the pavements have a lovely mix of London Road detritus mixed in with the slush – think liquorice coloured rather than dayglo. It’s a bit slippy underfoot,  and as I can famously fall over a twig, I gingerly run to the fish shop – more or less a 2km run as the physio ordered.

Not much to report really, plenty of slush, a couple of mini-slides, and a few twinges but it was wonderful to get out again. Not entirely sure how much good or damage I may have done to my leg, but no doubt the Physio will tell me on Tuesday. Jancanrun has just done a run, it’s not big, long, fast or clever, but it is a run, and there’s about another 60 tracks on the Blue Monday playlist to get through, at this rate that’s about another 10 runs.

Playlist

Freeze-Frame – J Geils Band

Centrefold – J Geils Band

Too Drunk to F… – Dead Kennedys

Somebody Else’s Guy – Jocelyn Brown

Disco Inferno – The Trammps

Stats

Distance 2.34km

Time = over 15 minutes, I told you I was slow

Pace/Elevation – immaterial

 

 

29 Jan – JCR Is On The Road Again

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Strictly speaking, this is not exactly true, but the Physio has confirmed I can try a little run, no more than 25% of my usual distance and I must rest for 24 hours minimum afterwards.

This coupled with Mr JCR acting as a muscly stretching person on my unwilling legs and an introductory course of Pilates, is supposedly going to get me back to normal. Hurrah. (I’m trying to forget the squats instructions…)

As to the dodgy shoulder, that’s a longer game, Mert and Victor and Raffaella are going to continue to see me weekly for at least a couple of months to come. As I don’t run with my shoulder, that’s a little less of an issue, although the injury is more severe, but it is going to curtail any thoughts of boxing for a while.

A little ray of sunshine pierced through the injury gloom, and the blooming flowers in the park on the way home, made me feel quite optimistic.

From a Couch to 5K member, to a 2000km runner, I am now back to doing just 2kms, but it’s 2kms more than I’ve been able to do for almost four weeks now.

If the Beast from the East is returning for me, I’m ready and waiting – trainers are on standby.

 

 

 

18 Jan – MVP Awards

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A long while ago in JCR time, Mr JCR introduced me to the concept of an MVP in relation to American Football – the Most Valued Player Award. Last Thursday I went to London Met University for my shoulder and hip physio, to help me with the hotly anticipated boxing debut as in JanCanBox and back to JanActuallyCanRun status.

When I was looking for a pic for MVP, of course you can get famous sportspeople, but I’ve found MVP stands for many other things too:-

  • Minimum Viable Product
  • Mitral Valve Prolapse – don’t fancy that one much, whatever it is
  • Most Valuable Point
  • Monster Versus Player (video gaming apparently)
  • Most Valuable Poet

I have as you might expect my own definitions:-

MVP = Most Violent Physiotherapists

or

MVP =Mert, and Victor Perfect Physios okay it’s more a MVPP

I’ve been told I can run, just take it easily and wait until the hip pain/soreness subsides. Four days later, I know it’s still sore, so I am not running. But pain before gain is my hope. And another physio session beckons this week, so fingers, toes and legs crossed I start feeling better, as my running gear still is whispering curses every time I walk past it.

 

 

 

 

16 Jan – Preparation for Running

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As I can’t actually run until I’ve seen the gruesome twosome of Mut and Victor tomorrow at the Physios, I have to do something else.

Therefore I have put my mind to overcoming the upcoming Blue Monday – which is January 21st.

And this is what I’ve got:-

In 2005, British psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall came up with a formula to predict when we feel the post Christmas blues at its worst. It generally falls on the third Monday of January every year – so-called Blue Monday which is 21st January this year.

The formula is: [W+(D-d)]xTQ/MxNA.

Here’s what it all means:

W = Weather

d = Debt

T = time since Christmas

Q = time since failing New Year’s resolutions

M = low motivational levels

Na = Need to take action

I am suggesting a new day for C25Kers or runners in general, instead of Blue Monday how about we have  Wonderful Wednesday? The day when we create a brand new playlist for running, and hopefully we are so energised by the thought that we are on a musical high and sail through Blue Monday, not noticing it at all. I accept a playlist may not get you over all the horrid news around, but a little distracting tactic is never a bad thing in my view.

My Wonderful Wednesday ‘formula’ is

CR X TPL = H

Couch 25K/Runners multiplied by tracks on playlist = Happiness.

To all fellow retro runners, we needed a theme that made us feel happy with get up and go, so my proposed theme for all your wonderful ideas is 70s and 80s Dancefloor Anthems. And I’ve started us off with my favourites:-

DISCO – Ottawan

War and Eye To Eye Contact – Edwin Starr

Might Real – Sylvester

Stayin’ Alive, Jive Talking’, Saturday Night Fever – Bee Gees

Tainted Love – Soft Cell

Boogie Wonderland – Earth Wind and Fire

Hot Stuff – Donna Summer

Le Freak – Chic

Celebration Kool and the Gang

Looking forward to seeing those Wonderful Wednesday song suggestions, for when I can return to running

JCR X

 

14 Jan – Hey Fatty Bum Bum

brown and white bear plush toy
This bear sums up my physical state…

As of today, I haven’t run for quite a while, which is not good. I can feel my waistline expanding each day of inactivity.

My list of ‘ailments’ include:-

  1. migraine (same old, same old)
  2. a dodgy hip that hurts permanently
  3. a kidney infection requiring antibiotics
  4. soon to be unfrozen shoulder (I hope)
  5. newly diagnosed very high cholesterol count

I have a feeling that my bod has decided to allow all the ailments in, now that the challenge has finished. Luckily, I do have a fix list

  1. New migraine treatment, which should prevent rather than cure them
  2. Physiotherapy at London Metropolitan with the two heavies Mut and Victor
  3. Antibiotics – 3 days down, 4 more to go
  4. See fix number two
  5. A promise to my GP to watch my diet and we re-test in a month

1-4 not really in my control, but number 5, I have a feeling the chocolate, cheese and rich food feasting over Christmas and New Year may have taken their toll, at least I’m hoping that’s the reason. Or maybe throughout the year my Kardashian kulo was growing due to dairy intake and not because of running muscle gain?

I really couldn’t face doing dry January, nor Veganuary, so am settling for reduced booze, chocolate, cheese, red meat, and doing meat free Mondays. I am now on Day 4 of the new regime, I hope to goodness this works!

Thursday we are meeting our friend Pete for a meal at Foxlow – the master of beef cookery in Clerkenwell. P just donated to my challenge, bringing my funds raised to just over £2,500 before tax relief, so I feel that a bit of indulgence won’t hurt, if it’s red meat just once in a week.

Any ideas for veggie recipes that are interesting, don’t involve hours worth of chopping and don’t rely on cheese or cream to make them tasty? On the banned list are the following:-

  1. Cream
  2. Butter
  3. Milk
  4. Eggs
  5. Cheese
  6. Yoghurt
  7. Red meat – beef, lamb, pork, prosciutto, bacon, sausages
  8. Anything yummy, such as cake, chocolate brownies, Portugese Custard Tarts

I found a glorious shepherd’s pie recipe, but it involved copious amounts of potatoes, butter and cheese. Back to the drawing board JCR. We actually ate lentil ragu and spaghetti tonight- I’m trying to convince myself it was yummy, but in truth, at best it was edible. If it was summer, then no problem, bring on the salads and loads of fish. But winter I crave something comforting and warming.

Ho hum, I think January will involve eating sandpaper, aggressive broccoli and lentils –  fingers crossed that this does the job and my GP doesn’t decide I need more drugs. I have this horror of having the daily pill list 😦

Any positive non cholesterol oriented vibes you can send, would be much appreciated.