14 Apr – When Straight-lining Isn’t Helpful


The GPRS is playing up, so today the app decided it took me over 10 minutes to run a kilometre, which even by my snail standards is a tad slow. It had already decided at the beginning of my run that I’d sprinted across olive groves, fields of wheat and ignored the roads. So in essence I was about 350 metres down on my measurements of this run. In the challenge I don’t need my app to try and do me favours by straightening my routes, I need all the lumps, bumps and curves I can get.

Speaking of which these lumps, bumps and curves may have set the scene for today’s run as it was all skin and blister. I’ve developed a rather large blister on the top of my big toe  (eeuugghh). No need for a spoiler alert – there isn’t going to be a frightening pic of my goat’s hoof, no-one deserves see it. Except for Mr JCR that is, who had the unenviable task of telling me what it was, seeing as neither my driving glasses or reading glasses, gave me the optical depth of field to see what this thing was on my toe. He manned up and duly gave me the diagnosis, ‘it’s a blister, something has been rubbing the top of your toe’

This is my first honest to goodness visible runner injury since starting the challenge. One blister in almost 650 km, that means I’ve only got another 2 and a bit blisters to the end of the year. Bet you’re looking forward to those updates.

To the run – a quiet warm Saturday afternoon, hardly anyone around, I managed to make about 5km before my first narrow miss, when a very old Fiat Cinquecento and its even older owner, was so dazzled by my pink geometric capris, that he seemed to aim his car towards me. Eek.

With my heartbeat returning somewhat to normal I entered the fish shop village where rampaging hordes of pre-teens came out onto the barely there pavements. One group decided walking three abreast on a teeny tiny pavement would be just the thing to do to a middle aged wheezing runner, so she got pushed out into the road.

My Italian friends M&G say that I am allowed to swear as much as I like in English because nobody knows the words, therefore my swearing doesn’t count. Calling three 12 year olds ‘f..kwits’ doesn’t count then. And I’m sure there’s some point in life when English swear words are known – let’s assume it is older than they were, otherwise I may face some local vigilante action. It’s not as if there are lots of batty middle aged English women running the roads of Le Marche, to make me difficult to find. Especially in these snazzy capris.

About two clicks from the finish, everything else went to plan, except when passing two old ladies one who had one of those rat dogs on a leash – and it went for my ankle. That got some choice English language too.

Todays stats for my run, one f….d GPRS, 3 f..kwits, 1 eff off, 1 blister and 9 more effing kms in the bag.


Say My Name – Destiny’s Child

Love Is All Around – The Wets

I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston

Killing Me Softly With His Song – The Fugees

Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor

Dub Be Good To Me – Beats International

The Power – SNAP

Killer – Adamski, Seal

The One And Only – Chesney Hawkes

Dizzy – Vic Reeves And The Wonder Stuff

End Of The Road – Boyz II Men

Would I Lie To You? Charles and Eddie

Oh Carolina – Shaggy

Cream – His Purple Highness

Gangsta’s Paradise – Coolio

Move Any Mountain – The Shamen

Devotion – Nomad

The Key, The Secret – Urban Cookie Collective

Everybody’s Free – Rozalla


Distance 9.23km (estimate because of GPRS failure)

Duration 57:42

Average Pace: 6:15

Elevation Gain 36 metres

Alzheimers Challenge

Kms Run 641.28

Kms to do 1376.72






4 thoughts on “14 Apr – When Straight-lining Isn’t Helpful

    • I’m intrigued why do my playlists make you laugh? We’ll have to have a major break up if you don’t lurve His Purple Highness! Fkwits it’s a great name isn’t it? Especially in Italy. I read your Texan adventure and your ‘f..k it we’re going to the championships post, that’s the attitude lady! F..k it, we are here just once unless you’re a Buddhist in which case, you certainly will come back as a lithe panther! It sounded as though you had a glorious time, and was that your niece in the oh so cute glasses? We are back in Italy, which both delights and maddens in equal measure. the other day a cyclist told me I was beautiful -I think he needs the glasses your niece was wearing! – but then today an old guy did his best to try and run me down in his car… If I left you a little, teeny, tiny present in London would you find time to pick it up do you think? As it is not long now, before you become an honorary Londoner!

      Liked by 1 person

  • Your playlists are the BEST and most random I’ve ever seen—like for real how many people do you know that run to Whitney Houston’s ‘I will always love you.” It’s fucking awesome lol.
    Yes, that is my niece in the glasses—she is one of my favorite parts of life! I can’t believe what an interesting person she is, and she’s four!
    And yes, I will def find time for you in London my dear—absolutely!! Starting to actually plan now and getting very excited.
    Hey I think we may have talked about this before through email but I just have to ask again cause obviously I really want to go there. York just seems like such a cool little old city to me. But I think you and someone else told me that it was too far for a day trip. One Londoner told me it was five hours away. Now I’m confused cause I’m quite certain I’ve found train tickets (cheapish ones at that) and it says the trip is just under 2 hours (which is kind of the longest we want for a day trip). There’s not more than one York is there? I’ve seen some bloggers very positively suggest it as a day trip from London and it really appeals to me, but I want to make sure I’m not making a big mistake or going to some other town or something! Please remind me why you said York was no bueno!
    Ps-I think that cyclist sees just fine!


    • Hi Cat, sorry was Mrs Migraine yesterday and so spent day away from media trying to get my pounding head back in order.

      Okay playlists – the rationale – I have to listen to something – I choose random subjects like the 90s as above and here’s the thing. I have zero co-ordination, rhythm, spatial awareness, I am literally like Pinocchio the puppet with his strings, so the chance of actually timing my steps to a tune – impossible my dear!!! There are two tunes I can time my runs to – these will make you smile – utter random again – are Lose Yourself by Eminem and Walk Like An Egyptian by The Bangles. And yes I do the Egyptian action in my strung up Pinocchio way! And I’m not really sure rural Italy needs to hear me singing along to Lose Yourself! Oh and I pretty much always cry to any Amy Winehouse song…, regardless of mascara.

      As To York – there is only one York of the Vikings, the Minster and The Shambles …. I don’t mean to put you off but I genuinely thought it would be a pain for you to spend so much time getting there. Let me look at it again and I’ll email you off-line… It’s not my job to stop you going somewhere, I just thought you’d been quite ambitious – but then again given your recent Texan adventures …, ambition is your middle name

      You evidently have the ‘fuck it’ gene rather than the Fkwit gene!

      I can’t actually be in London when you are there as we come back to Italy 2 days before you arrive in London, which is a real shame and we have another commitment here, which we can’t change.. But I have a little surprise that you can pick up from my building – again an offline thing.

      Check out your email tomorrow when I’ve had chance to sort out the York conundrum

      X J

      Liked by 1 person

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