24 Apr – Meet The New Kardashian

You may not realise it, but I am about to become as famous as the K-Klan. That’s because Mr JCR has put me in touch with the Alzheimer’s Research people and they are featuring me for my challenge. I even have my own press release.

If that wasn’t good enough for fame and fortune, Ju-Ju from Couch to 5K has name checked me on  her YouTube channel. Surely it will be just seconds before the multi-million dollar sponsorships roll in?

Based on my blog subjects, I think realistically any sponsorship opportunities may be limited to tissues, wet wipes, blister plasters, blister cream, possibly lipstick at its most glamorous because of my penchant for runner’s ruby and pootler’s pink. I think that’s about it, as I don’t possess a Kardashian Kulo (as we say in Italia), and I have no children, never mind any called North, by NorthWest or whatever. If  however, Kim and Kanye want to adopt me, then I am happy to become KCR – I was thinking KardiacCanRun….katchy huh?

Me and my non-Kardashian Kulo, were chauffeured to the lungomare today. If Sunday’s bleach white legs weren’t enough to frighten my local locals,  then I had decided to frighten the rest of Le Marche. The great thing about the lungomare is that it is the road along by the sea, so no hills or uppy/downy bits. The downside is that there’s nowhere to hide my bleached white milk bottle legs. Big decision – capris or shorts? Capris won’t frighten the horses, on the other hand me in shorts will mean the milk bottles have a chance to catch the rays. The feet however are still torn to shreds – READER WARNING THIS IS A POP-UP SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE:-SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITY – I WILL ACCEPT BITCOINS! – so my length of run is now determined by pain threshold, rather than tiredness.

And I decided shorts were the better option, blinding white streaks were the order of the day. It was a little later than planned (me being a teenager getting up again) and the temperature had risen to about 22 degrees. I left Mr JCR faffing with his bike and rack – that’s not a euphemism, and I set out. Okay, what can be said about a straight road, well it’s called the ‘Bicipolitana’ which is the bike version of the metro. You run with cyclists and walkers along the side of the East Coast railway line. Fleeting glimpses of the sand and sea are offered, but at my height I could see the railway line gravel and sleepers and that was about it.

It was scorchio, well no shade and no breeze, because the railway fencing shields you from the sea breezes. As the road is dead straight, I started counting lampposts and can confirm that 50 lampposts equals 1km. There were a lot of lampposts and not so many runners, in fact I saw just two. But the cyclists were numerous including one guy who despite the heat was wearing a bright blue cagoule with backpack and his hood up over his helmet. Maybe he was a paparazzo in disguise chasing me down as the newest member of the K Klan? I am thinking it is far more likely he was doing a distance cycle ride and had been in the mountains somewhere.

At long last the path runs on the other side of the railway line and you get to run along the beach front, with a gentle but very welcome sea breeze. Mr JCR passed me on his return leg and I realised I was close to halfway through my run, I hit the halfway point and turned for home. I saw the Fano version of Boris’s bikes and I must admit I was awfully tempted to stop the run and cycle home, but I gritted my teeth and carried on. At this stage there was a lot more traffic, water deliveries, beach club catering staff, mum pushing pram and two roller-skaters. In my usual non-tolerant manner, I don’t generally like roller-skaters, they are a complete and utter pain in the bum. They either are very aggressive and swoosh you or in this case they were doing that speed that meant I couldn’t quite overtake them. They were skating side by side, but with lots of space between them – effectively a mobile traffic jam. Eventually I pressed my accelerator and tried three times to run past.

First attempt, they just meandered without warning into my route, so I dropped back. Second try I thought I’d undertake but sure enough they skated that way. Finally I got past them and muttered under my breath ‘stupid effing tarts’.

My Kardashian Kulo was aching somewhat and I couldn’t really power my way home, but the run got done – oh and for a very rare incident I actually ran in time to some music – J Geils Band and Freeze-Frame. I beat my 11km target – the route map a bit boring, but apparently I ran beyond the Ghetto, that’s a new part of town I didn’t know about. But I think the K Klan are known for being Ghettotastic, so that figures.



My Coo Ca Choo – Alvin Stardust

Devil Gate Drive – Suzi Quatro

Blockbuster – Sweet

Shang A Lang – Bay City Rollers

Sugar Baby Love – Rubettes

DISCO – Ottawan

War – Edwin Starr

Gonna Make You A Star – David Essex

Waterloo – ABBA

Everybody Dance – CHIC

Sylvia’s Mother – Dr Hook

Roll Over Beethoven – ELO

December, 1963 – Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

Baket Street – Gerry Rafferty

You Sexy Thing – Hot Chocolate

Summer Breeze – Isley Brothers

Boogie Shoes – KC & The Sunshine Band

Walk On The Wild Side – Lou Reed

You Won’t Find Another Fool Like Me – The New Seekers

Lady Marmalade – Patti La Belle

I Love To Love – Tina Charles

Freeze Frame – J Geils Band

Night Fever – Bee Gees


Distance 11.18km

Time 1:14:07 ( I’m blaming the heat)

Average Pace 6:37 (mins/km)

Elevation Gain 79 metres (how you can get a gain on a flat road is beyond me!)

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 712.70

Kms to Do 1305.30







4 thoughts on “24 Apr – Meet The New Kardashian

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