2 August – This Little Piggy…

 

as the nursery rhyme goes, the little piggies either went to market, stayed at home, had roast beef, had none or cried all the way home. Our little piggy suffered a mortal blow when Mr JCR hit him at midnight. Don’t rush to phone the RSPCA, our little piggy is iron and Mr JCR ran into him on his bike, when leaving for a midnight start to Venice. That’s right a 500km there/back bike ride to Venice in 24 hours.

Hence our pig got totalled and he was lying on his back to greet me as I left. Without Mr JCR to prompt me I actually got up shortly after 7am and was out of the door for my run before 8am. Oh and it’s 26 degrees people, it’s before 8am and 26 degrees. This little piggy is going to be a really sweaty one today.

Up to Mill Lane, and I see Lord Kitchener, who looks decidedly grumpy today, so I continue my run without stopping. To Lovers’ Lane and I realise that Map My Run is also feeling grumpy and has not started yet. No big deal I know more or less the route I’m going to take so the kms in the running log can be sorted out later. No-one to be seen in Lovers’ Lane either, I take the hill that kills down to the bendy, scary road.  At this point, the Mechanical Voice Lady on Map My Run informs me have run 3km and my last km was in 28 seconds. It’s obviously going to be one of those technical malfunctioning runs today. I run towards Royston Vasey and thank heavens some clouds come over, giving me a spring in my step. It’s so much easier running in shade than the scorchio sun. I have a couple of kms under my belt, through Royston Vasey, when Mechanical Voice Lady informs me I have done 9 kms in an astonishing 27 minutes or so.

Okay, reality check here I have run 6.2km to a certain geographical milestone  and it’s taken me about forty three/four minutes  – she is a little out of synch. I know from previous glitches that at this point the GPS kicks back in and so I cancel my old run and start a new one. I’m embroiled in my tech and almost bump into a young guy, who gives me a wide berth, to then follow me at a discreet distance – or maybe he was just going for a stroll in my direction?  Only the second human being today, everyone seems to have disappeared again, but we are in Feria time, which is a bit like the old UK factory fortnight. I run down to the fish shop village – lo and behold this is where all the people have gone – there’s quite a congregation at the cafe. I’d love to stop, but would fall short of my target run, so satisfy myself with a glug or two of warm water.

Onto Bin Lane, again mercifully all in shade. I have a nice run down there, no need for me to be hugging the bins for respite from the sun, whilst getting a full on nostril assault from the pong, oh and not forgetting occasional splatters of bin juice. Just a nice warm but not scorching pootle. I do a few mini loops during the run and got some very weird looks from an old lady onlooker, who must have wondered what was so interesting to make me run in circles for a few minutes…

Finally I make my way onto the all roads lead to Rome road, which as ever is horrifically busy, with some thundering agricultural juggernauts causing my heart to pound. At last, I see the cafe and this little piggy, whilst not exactly doing a dying fly impression, does feel a little bit knackered, and the thought of collapsing on the grass seems very tempting indeed.

My little piggies in my trainers are also squealing with discomfort, I think my trainers are close to needing replacement, as they are not quite so comfortable as they once were.  Therefore like the first little piggy, I could be going to the marketplace, Amazon marketplace that is, to buy me a new pair of shoes. Latest update from Mr JCR – he’s reached Venice and as of 10.40am was on his way home, having ridden 250kms.

Playlist

Liquidator – Harry J Allstars

Ghost Town, Too Much Too Young, Rat Race – The Specials

007 (Shanty Town) – Desmond Dekker

54-56 Was My Number – Toots And The Maytals

Skinhead Moonstomp – Symarip

Rudi Got Married – Laurel Aitken

One Step Beyond – Prince Buster

On My Radio – The Selector

Mirror In The Bathroom, Can’t Get Used To Losing You- The Beat

House of Fun, One Step Beyond – Madness

Monkey Man  (three times) – Toots & The Maytals oh and Amy Winehouse’s version too

My Boy Lollipop – Millie Small

King of Kings – Jimmy Cliff

Red Red Wine – Tony Tribe

Lip Up Fatty – Bad Manners

Back to Black – The Selector

The More I See – Fun Boy Three

Uptown Top Ranking – Althea and Donna

Train To Skaville – The Ethiopians

Stats

Distance 10.61 km

Time 1:11:44

Average Pace 6:45 (no sun!!!!)

Elevation Gain ??? Map My Run cock up

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 1306.77 (yes, I’m over the 1300 mark)

Kms to Run 711.23

 

 

 

31 July – Four Greetings And An Effing Hell

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With apologies to Richard Curtis’s screenplay. After a Sunday invitation by P, M, L, W and little P, for dinner and drinks,  a day of rest was called for. Although Monday was potentially a running day it didn’t convert into an actual running day. Let’s be honest, it didn’t convert because I didn’t convert my plans into any semblance of reality.

Tuesday arrived and lo and behold, I was up and about, c/o a Mr JCR wake up call – 8.00am no less, this getting up early is becoming a habit. The usual routine followed, through Mill Lane and my vee sign at the water pumping station, I trotted to Lovers’ Lane and there, for the first time in months, I saw Albino and Anouska. 

Whilst it felt quite warm to me, Albino hasn’t yet unbuttoned his shirt fully, therefore full-on scorchio weather has not yet arrived. There are ways of knowing the temperature and Albino’s outfit choices inform my runs and water stop strategy. They wished me a good run – I did my usual Villa Bali loop and passed them again. Anouska waved and wished me a good day. They are such nice people, I don’t think they have any idea how much when I first started running, seeing them kept me motivated. That was 2 greetings in the bag and I made my way to the bendy, scary road onto Royston Vasey.

I entered the cafe and bought my usual water from the wobbly fridge, I explained to the lady that I didn’t have the correct change and well, what can I say? The hitherto non-speaking lady, then totally astonished me by starting a conversation, in which she asked me;-

  • how many times a week did I run
  • what was my usual route – she hazarded a guess at where I lived,
  • how did I cope with the heat
  • did running give me a ‘free mind’

She wished me a good run and that she’d see me again. The word count I estimate is 100 times more than I’ve had in 5 months of visiting her cafe! That was a third greeting, par excellence and utterly unexpected.

Having left the cafe, I was picking up the pace to continue and a Dutch registered car went past and the driver waved – I did the same. This was J, one of our friends and also the father of my two MCP’s. About 10/12 minutes later on, I was approaching the fish shop village and J was there again driving back home. He made a generous offer of giving me a lift if I needed one, or as a minimum, a coffee stop. I thanked him and explained I still had some kms to run, so would continue. That was my fourth greeting and what a fab offer too. Sometimes your runs just seem really nice, whilst it wasn’t an effortless run, the goodwill from friends and strangers really helps.

Then back to a more prosaic reality – the Bin Lane run. I was pootling along quite happily and saw in the distance, our car. Now that was weird, our car was supposedly being washed at the car wash with Mr JCR in attendance. From a distance I waved, expecting a response from the parked car – the problems of middle aged eye sight being there’s a certain depth of field that is pretty much no man’s land. I couldn’t see the necessary detail to inform my next move. Not a flicker of recognition, no horn sounding, no lights flashing, nothing. Two reasons for that, firstly the car was parked up and empty; secondly, even if it had been occupied, it wasn’t actually our car. It is our car’s doppelganger, an Italian registered version of ours, which wouldn’t be so strange, except that Italians just don’t choose bright blue German convertibles.

Effing Hell JCR , you are so stupid at times, it’s not as if I don’t know this car exists – I’ve been confused previously, thinking someone was stealing our car, as the tell-tale bright blue passed me. Second part of the effing hell came up, I had hoped I might just scrape through the 1300km mark by the end of July, but I hadn’t achieved that target, mainly due to the Monday impromptu resting.

That was my four greetings and an effing hell run – no Hugh Grant to sweep me off my feet, just Mr JCR in a mint clean car and that was just fine.

Playlist

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood – The Animals

I Saw Her Standing There – The Beatles

Stray Cat Strut – Stray Cats

I’m Free – The Soup Dragons

Take It To The Limit – The Eagles

All Together Now – The Farm

Money – The Flying Lizards

Dirty Harry – Gorillaz

Caravan Of Love – The Housemartins

Hippy Hippy Shake – Rockin’ Robin, The Blue Jays

Everybody’s Got To Learn Sometime – The Korgis

Dancing On The Ceiling – Lionel Ritchie

Daydream Believer – The Monkees

What Have I Done To Deserve This – Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield

Who Let The Dogs Out – Baha Men

Black Betty – Ram Jam

Crazy – Seal

Don’ t Fear the Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult

Hungry Like The Wolf – Duran Duran

Union Of The Snake – ditto

Papa’s Got A Brand New Pigbag – Pigbag

S-S-S Single Bed – Fox

Stats

Distance 10.69km

Time 1:14:58

Average Pace 7:00 mins/km

Elevation Gain 47 metres

1.5 litres of water, if Albino unbuttons his shirt more, then it’ll have to increase.

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1296.16

Kms To Do 721.84

 

 

 

 

 

 

29 July – Running With The Family

 

Yesterday brought another impromptu aperitivo session in the village bar and reunion of  four families, (all of us friends) with the ex-owner of the bar. It was fun, it was loud, and more to the point it was very friendly. Lots of mini conversations going on, including one about my running. The upshot of that, was at 8.30am this morning, the short, chunky dark haired middle aged runner aka Jancanrun was accompanied by fit, tall, young, blonde Dutch sisters who were really keen to come out with me, let’s call them MCP 1 and 2.

You did read that right, 8.30am – in actual fact, I was up and running at about 8.15am, to get in a warmup before my companions arrived. This is two days on the trot when I’ve been up early, something has got to give…:)

As I was doing my warm up in front of the house, I was passed by Lord Kitchener, who I usually see in Lover’s Lane – I did say Salve, but he seemed a bit distant, but then he was walking to the local cemetery and that may have tempered his good mood somewhat. Next up a pedestrian walks past, somewhat bemused at the sight of JCR seemingly doing a security patrol in front of her house. Then Argo came past with his minder, R – she asked me what was I up to and I explained it was a warm up prior to running friends arriving.

Then the JCR running crew arrived, resplendent in proper leggings, trainers and carrying water. For the first time in my running career a JCR run can be described as being run by a molto chic podista – not me of course but both of my statuesque companions – MCPs 1 and 2, in real life known as J&A.

We set off down Mill Lane and I demonstrated my highly technical tiptoe running technique for going up inclines – I think the quietness of my bodyguards said it all – I for sure am no coaching wunderkid. On we went to Lovers’ Lane and past the barking beagle house. Yes they barked, but no none of us jumped in fright. Next up we overtook two walkers with sticks, as you can tell I always choose easy overtaking victims. There’s no point in making life hard for yourself, after all. A quick loop of Villa Bali’s grounds and back up to take on Royston Vasey Ridgeway, which is quite steep even downhill, and does test your muscular control somewhat. Close to Royston Vasey we passed yet another barking dog house. This particular dog sounds big and nasty, but I think in truth, is just a rather cute golden retriever – nonetheless he kicked up a big fuss at me and my glamorous minders as we went past.

Kim Jong Un has his running elite bodyguards and I had two Catwoman type minders – what was lovely was that I didn’t actually feel pressured to run faster than normal or try and do ‘cool running’. Ordinarily when I have an audience I run way too fast, usually trip over and make myself look a complete and utter fool. Mind you today’s pace was so glacial there was no danger of speed or momentum tripping me up. At Royston Vasey, I parted company with my bodyguards, as they wanted a shorter run than me. At this point I still had about half the run to do. Sunday morning runs tends to be quiet as a lot of folk attend Sunday morning mass. Blissfully the sun wasn’t quite as strong as it has been, although I was putting on weight as I ran, due to the humidity in the air, my hair was acting like a sponge, growing like a fuzzy halo and then it escaped its band. Another failed attempt at being a molto chic podista.

I carried onto  the fish shop village and almost got taken out by a reversing lorry near to the church. I hurried on, wanting to get the run done and entered Bin Lane. No-one there, – fantastic –  I had Bin Lane all to myself so I was able to run where I liked, finding the shady areas to keep me cool. And then, at the final set of bins, I ran past some parked cars and almost got ‘door jacked’ by a little old lady who was exiting the car and flung open her passenger door right into my path. Some nifty footwork and a few choice swear words under my breath and I carried onto to the All Roads Lead To Rome road. It was nice and quiet for a change – spoke too soon JCR as just at that moment of realisation that the road was quiet, then screaming along, came one of the ubiquitous silver Fiat Puntos – its owner had decided runner skittles would be a fun game to play. He came so close it was really quite frightening – I am thinking of investing in Boadicea/Boudicca/(whatever they call her) thrashing blades so if someone tries to take me off the road, then they suffer (as a minimum) severe bodywork damage. This maybe a little over the top in terms of self preservation. But what else can you think of when your bodyguards have run home and left you to fend for yourself, I’m sure Kim Jong Un would do similar. I never thought he and I would have anything in common…

Playlist

I didn’t listen to most of it as I was being bodyguarded…, but these are the tracks that played once we parted company and I was on my own.

Blasphemous Rumours – Depeche Mode

The Jean Genie – David Bowie

Oh Woman Oh Man – London Grammar

Let’s Spend The Night Together – David Bowie

Planet Earth – Duran Duran

Two Tribes – Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Sign Of the Times – Harry Styles

It’s Called A Heart – Depeche Mode

Modern Way – Kaiser Chiefs

Andy, You’re A Star – The Killers

Stats

Distance 10.73km

Time 1:15:46

Average Pace 7:03 mins/km

Elevation Gain – 20 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1285.47

Km to do 732.53

28 July – Luna Rossa and Other Colours

WARNING THIS BLOG CONTAINS A PICTURE YOU MAY FIND DISTASTEFUL….

 

 

Last night’s ‘spettacolo’ came and went, with over 2,000 people attending the Villa Bali special program for the eclipse and red moon. We didn’t go but were told by locals that it would be a ‘casino’ which is a disaster, as there were far too many people and not enough room. And as we were also told, we didn’t need actually to go to Villa Bali for the spectacle as our house is more or less the same height on the hill, and we could actually hear the audio commentary if we wanted. It was suggested that we could open our house to the public and make some money.

All this was discussed as we had an impromptu aperitivo in the local village, where, we were delighted to see the bar had its old owner in situ.  The ex-owner ‘C’was there just on a one week ‘bar-sitting duty’ but it was wonderful to see her again.

Our first colour of the evening was Aperol orange, C was wondering where the moon was and if she would be able to see the glow – as she described it ‘I am drunk but only on water’ as she then proceeded to talk about the wonderful yellow moon glow in the piazza, which we sadly had to correct here wasn’t from the famous moon, but rather a hidden street lamp.

Second colour, therefore streetlamp yellow. We enjoyed our spritzes and wended our way home, we could hear the Villa Bali event in full swing and the tiny pic of a red blob, is my proof of the Luna Rossa. Third colour seen. About an hour later the eclipse occurred – no point in taking a pic as the sky was just an all over inky black. The fourth colour done. Now the eclipse started to move away and the whiteish moon re-appeared. Fifth colour done.

So to this morning, the sky a vibrant cerulean blue – sixth colour done and Mr JCR informed me it was molto scorchio and that it would be good idea to get out. As I am none too keen on following Mr JCR’s advice, specifically when it comes to getting up early, I mooched around and faffed for a while, but then made haste and got out. This was before 8am, pretty much a record for me. I was wearing my orange and blue shorts, shocking pink belt and grey trainers. Another four colours logged. Up Mill Lane, nothing to see, all in shade and onto Lovers’ Lane – the scene of last night’s chaotic spettacolo. I saw Lord Kitchener, who was there tidying up as ever, in a navy blue top. And that’s me up to eleven colours. Ahead are two walkers, wearing camouflage colours, a light sand colour – they almost match the hayfields. 12 colours done and dusted. I enter Villa Bali’s grounds and see the cordoned off area for what I assume was the alien space craft landing space, but no sign of scorch marks or anything untoward. Maybe they didn’t fancy visiting with 2,000+ Marchiganian earthlings nearby.

I take the Royson Vasey ridgeway and being earlier than usual, it is eerily quiet. No pedestrians, cyclists, nor Miss Marsupio. I pootle along to the fish shop village and finally see signs of life, which is good because I was beginning to wonder if maybe the Martians had actually turned up and spirited folk away…

I run up Bin Lane, nicely in shade, if a bit smelly, and make my  way to the coffee shop. Aha it’s a riot of colour here, with many folk dropping by for breakfast before going to the beach. Way too many colours to count, but no boring beige at all. My face is a very hot salsa red, and I cool down with a welcome water, coffee and brioche. I’m not sure how that stacks up on running nutrition, but it works for me. I end up running back home along War Of The Worlds lane and saw a topless runner coming towards me. All I shall say is that he was generously proportioned and I don’t really want to describe his body colour! After about 3kms, I was finished and walking in the shade and spotted the snake, recently deceased I reckon, because he didn’t move and that was my final colour  – Slytherin Steel.

A tidy, colour-filled run of just over 10km, finished at just after 9am and the mercury had already risen to 26 degrees.

Playlist

See You – Depeche Mode

It’s Raining Men – The Weather Girls

Night Fever – Bee Gees

Love’s Unkind – Donna Summer

Be My Number Two – Joe Jackson

Beat Crazy – ditto

Dreaming of Me – Depeche Mode

Einstein A Go-Go – Landscape

I Won’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me – Nik Kershaw

Is Vic There – Department S

New Moon On Monday – Duran Duran

No More I Love Yous – The Lover Speaks

Purple Rain – His Purple Highness and The Revolution

Rio – Duran Duran

Somewhere In My Heart – Aztec Camera

Two Tribes – Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Walk Like An Egyptian – The Bangles

All Stood Still – Ultravox

Blasphemous Rumours – Depeche Mode

Enola Gay – OMD

Gold  – Spandau Ballet

I Am The Law – Human League

Stats

Distance 10.52km

Time 1:22:30

Average Pace 7:50 mins/km

Elevation Gain 75 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1264.22

Kms to Do 753.78

 

 

 

 

 

 

27 July – Luna Rossa

 

The weather forecast says it is going to be scorchio again and in fact at least 25 degrees at 8am. That means getting up early and we know how good I am at that. In fact it wasn’t too bad, I was out just after 9am and yes it was even more scorchio. Up to Mill Lane, customary vee sign and onto Lovers’ Lane.

Yesterday’s alien invasion preparations are evidently complete, with all the tables and chairs ready and the telescope observatory in waiting. The local Comune have put up ‘no parking’ signs, threatening a tow-away for offenders – I wonder if that applies to spaceships? The preparation are in fact for tonight’s red moon and a ‘spettacolo’ at Villa Bali. Ticketed event only including supper, because no Italian event ever excludes food – that just wouldn’t be right.

I am able to run around Villa Bali’s grounds, although I do have to do some nifty footwork around some police incident type duct tape. On my way down to the bendy, scary road, it’s all quiet, except for the thundering of large tractors, combine harvesters and similar. I enter Royston Vasey and see that tonight’s red moon event has given the local market stalls an obvious merchandising opportunity, with a pinafore stall taking pride of place in the piazza. Martians in pinafores anyone?

Out of Royston Vasey and coming towards me is a smiling (as ever) Miss Marsupio, this time we are on the same side of the road and she says to me ‘ Brava eh’ – pretty much a well done, I say thanks and return the compliment, as generally we are the only two pedestrians on that road – it’s mainly cyclists. Geed up by the contact, I make my way to the fish shop village and it’s hotter there, loads of buildings reflect the heat and the shade is hard to find. I pootle on and realise I am pleasantly cool (well cooler than normal) – that’s because my water bottle has been leaking, so my back is soaked and I’m half a bottle down for drinking.

I trot up to Bin Lane and get some overtaking in, that’s a little old lady pulling her shopping trolley – you’re hardly Lewis Hamilton JCR. Next in my sights, old guy walking his bike up the hill – similar really – does an overtake count when the overtakee had no idea they were being targeted? Out onto the all roads lead to Rome road and cripes the lorries are equally as big and scary as the agricultural machinery I managed to avoid earlier. At this stage I’m quite pleased, although this was not one of my fastest runs, I’ve managed to avoid too many drink/rest stops – possibly because of the leaking water bottle. The 10km prompt comes up and just as I’m about to press the stop button a cyclist passes me and shouts ‘brava per correre’ – well done for running.

What a nice way to end my run.

Playlist

Stray Cat Strut – Stray Cats

Stand and Deliver – Adam And The Ants

I’m Free – The Soup Dragons

Take It To The Limit – The Eagles

All Together Now – The Farm

Money – The Flying Lizards

Dirty Harry – Gorillaz

Caravan Of Love – The Housemartins

Everybody’s Got To Learn Sometime – The Korgis

Dancing On The Ceiling – Lionel Ritchie

Daydream Believer – The Monkees

Crying In The Chapel – Sonny Til and The Orioles

What Have I Done To Deserve This – Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield

Black Betty – Ram Jam

Crazy – Seal

Can You Dig It – The Mock Turtles

Hungry Like The Wolf – Duran Duran

Crazy Horses – The Osmonds

Union Of The Snake – Duran Duran

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

The Lion Sleeps Tonight – Tight Fit

Eye Of The Tiger – Survivor

S-S-S Single Bed – Fox

Stats

Distance 10.26km

Time 1:15:53

Average Pace 7:23 mins/km

Elevation Gain 41 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1264.22

Kms To Do 753.78

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

26 July – Mad Cows and an Englishwoman

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Yesterday was supposed to be a run day, but we were up and out early to go to AVIS -not the car hire folk, but the Italian Blood Donation Organisation. We’d asked our friends if we could donate blood, not actually being Italian residents and they said they’d ask the President of AViS locally and see what he said. So we found ourselves in Fano hospital yesterday morning and we were shown a form that needed completing with just one question pertinent to the UK. Have you lived for more than 6 months in the UK during the period 1980something and 1995. Of course we answered yes and that was enough to stop any thoughts of blood donation.

Apparently no EU countries will accept UK blood due to mad cow disease,  and in Italy there is a 40 year post mad cow/CJD ‘quarantine’ period, at which time they’ll happily accept our blood. I have a feeling that by that age we’ll be needing our blood more than Italy will. Back home we trotted and with temperatures already 28 degrees at 10am, all thoughts of running were put firmly back in the drawer marked do not open.

To this morning, Mr JCR was up early and suggested I should do the same to take advantage of cooler temperatures, of course I fell back asleep and woke just before 9am. Hardly an early start… I made my way to Mill Lane and up to Lovers’ Lane and was going to complete my mini loop of Villa Bali’s grounds, but I couldn’t because garden furniture was being arranged for an event. Now Lovers’ Lane has recently been the site of various alien direction signs, and Villa Bali does have both a telescope and planetarium. The clues are mounting – clearly there’s going to be some astro-physical event happening soon. I think we better be somewhere else just in case the close encounters get too close.

I switched back and took the Royston Vasey ridgeway towards War Of The Worlds lane, a gruppetto of junior cyclists passed me,  one seemingly supporting another and he  groaned ‘porca miseria’ as I went past. Given this means ‘misery you bitch’ in the literal translation, I was hoping he wasn’t aiming it at me, and more at  the incline which needed ascending. Up to WOTW lane and a fellow runner passed in the opposite direction, he waved in acknowledgment and I continued on.

WOTW lane is in the midst of harvesting and as I made my way to the coffee stop, I passed one ploughed field and then in the field next door was an old guy, scything grass. He waved and shouted something which I thought was ‘Omertà’ which is the Mafia silence code – that didn’t seem quite applicable, unless of course he is a rural hit man, taking victims out by scything them to death and burying them in the field. But he looked quite benign, although maybe that is how he sucks you in.

Alternatively, he might have said ‘ha merita’ which means ‘you deserve’, but I’ve no idea what exactly I might deserve. Or finally, if he just said ‘Merita’ according to the Urban Dictionary that means I’ve got big boobs…  If he was speaking in dialect, then I stand no chance of getting the meaning as dialects vary tremendously throughout Italy, for example ‘they eat’ is spoken as ‘man jan oh’ – but in one of our local dialects it is ‘man yan yan’. I am of the opinion he was being complimentary – even if it was aimed at my boobs!

On I continued, had my coffee and brioche and returned back to the sultry heat of WOTW lane and my run. Truthfully I do have mad cow disease, as the temperature is scalding, now the shade has all but disappeared and I’m out in the mid-day sun. I can’t maintain much momentum, my pace drops to a pathetic 8 minutes + for a kilometre and I give it up after another 2.6km.

Memo to self, when suffering from mad cow disease, do not make it worse by running at midday. Truthfully that makes me a stupid cow, deserving of big boobs and or death by scythe…

Playlist

Alison – Elvis Costello

Barbara Ann – Beach Boys

Dirty Diana – Michael Jackson

Eloise – The Damned

Francine – ZZ Top

Helena – My Chemical Romance

Poison Ivy – The Lambrettas

The Jean Genie – David Bowie

Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

Girls Just Want To Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper

Kayleigh – Marillion

Layla – Derek and the Dominoes

Maggie May – Rod Stewart

Darling Nikki – Prince

Ophelia – The Band

Dear Prudence – Siouxsie and The Banshees

Roxanne – The Police

Sherry – Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

Teresa – Eddie Cochran

Single Ladies – Beyoncé

Uma Thurman – Fall Out Boy

Valerie – Amy Winehouse

Wendy – The Beach Boys

St Xenia – Katina

Oh Yoko!- John Lennon

Zoe Jane – Staind

Stats

Distance 9.05km

Time 1:10:55

Average Pace 7:50 mins/km

Elevation Gain 22 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 1253.95

Kms to Run 764.05

 

24 July – Closer Encounters

An unplanned day of rest yesterday – thunderstorms and general life stuff slightly got in the way. This meant today had to be a longish run, so I decided upon the usual 10km route from home (ish) to my coffee stop.

It was warm but windy when I left and I was to take my usual route via Mill Lane. Just on exiting Mill Lane, I noticed another alien direction sign, wow this is so close to home, they could be getting nearer – this is somewhat worrying. Oh and to add insult to injury, there’s another sign (on a tree) in yellow informing the aliens that Lovers’ Lane is in a bad way…

Donna Summer started her orgasmic sensation Love to Love You Baby, an apt tune for this venue. Last night’s love detritus being collected by the local piadineria man, cleaning up for his lunchtime trade today, no doubt. I did my usual mini-loop around Villa Bali and on my way I thought I saw Albino and Anouska, except oddly enough Albino had the walking stick. Ah no, I got that wrong, it’s a couple with Nordic walking poles. I overtook them briskly, thinking that the aliens might pick on the slightly slower folk. I ran towards the hill that kills, all was quiet and nice and shady.

Down towards the bendy, scary road and I saw a sinister looking cyclist in the distance. A young guy, he was wearing skin tight cycling kit in black and orange with alien style wraparound sunglasses. The portents are adding up, I better get a move on and up my pace to avoid capture. Except that kind of pace increase was harder to achieve as it’s quite warm today.  I pootled through Royston Vasey and decided I didn’t need a water top up – fewer stops equals fewer to chances to be abducted. At the 6km mark I swapped roadsides, balancing the need for shade with likelihood of being run over as I’m running in the same direction as the traffic. I got overtaken by 5 or 6 vehicles in quick succession, all of which were a bit too close for comfort; I swap back to the sunny side of the road again, as it’s way too scary to run with my back to the traffic.

I aim for the fish shop, and this puddle of a sweaty runner enters to make my order. I am standing amongst, if not exactly smartly dressed then, non-sweating and looking cool folk. I pay, make my excuses, and hurry out to avoid the embarrassment of leaving a sweaty puddle behind me.

I make my way to Bin Lane where a nonno and his grandchildren are doing the recycling run. His grandson is wearing a face mask and big rubber gloves – a slightly alien look for a little boy. As ever, there’s a swarm of flies near the bins – and to be honest it’s a toss-up whether it’s the bin or me that they like most. I gather my own mini fly cloud, just like Pig-Pen in the Snoopy cartoons and continue towards the cafe.

Me and my fly buddies continue onto the All Roads Lead To Rome road, and my pace such as it was, tempers a little, not least because there are two humungous lorry tractor things coming towards me. I take sanctuary in someone’s driveway and slow down even more. In the distance I can see Mr JCR. Job done – just over 10km,  I’d avoided alien encounters, tractor encounters and I managed not to swallow any flies, despite having my very own personal convoy.

Playlist

I’m So Excited – The Pointer Sisters

Hot Stuff, and Love To Love You Baby – Donna Summer

Ain’t Nobody – Rufus and Chaka Khan

Young Hearts Run Free – Candi Staton

Jump – The Pointer Sisters

He’s The Greatest Dancer – Sister Sledge

Don’t Leave Me This Way – Thelma Houston

What’s Love Got To Do With It – Tina Turner

Forget Me Nots – Patrice Rushen

Ring My Bell – Anita Ward

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan and Lew Hahn

Knock On Wood – Amii Stewart

Boogie Oogie Oogie – A Taste Of Honey

Let’s Hear It For The Boy – Deniece Williams

Automatic – The Pointer Sisters

Car Wash – Rose Royce

Street Life  – Randy Crawford

Lady Marmalade – Patti LaBelle

I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Whitney Houston

Respect – Aretha

Stats

Distance 10.38km

Time 1:11:10

Average Pace 6:51 (mins/km)

Elevation Gain 43 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1244.91

Kms To Do 773.09