16 Oct – The kNAFFTAs* are here

white clothes line trousers past
*Knickers and Foundation Fitness Training Awards – the ‘k’ is silent

 

In English we have a phrase ‘don’t get your knickers in a twist’ or a knot is also a variant on the adage. This came to mind during my run this morning. It occurred to me that whilst I had created a scoring method for my sports bras, I hadn’t done the same for the nether region’s needs. What’s good enough for upstairs is good enough for downstairs, so here we go.

Here is my indispensable guide to working out whether your running/sporting undergarments pass muster.

A  – Appearance

In relationships, for some of us, looks are all. Others prefer character or even a good sense of humour. How your underwear looks may just make the crucial difference between running and running scared.

Score yours as follows:

0= Who said knickers were necessary? I run commando.

1= I re-purposed granny’s bloomers/ grandad’s plus-fours, they are a bit bulky under the lycra

2= Other than the rotting elastic, they’re looking good for 10 years wear

3= So-so, I wouldn’t die of shame if my shorts fell down

4= Nearly new, neat and rather natty

5= The haute couture of knickers, I prefer to be seen in these rather than my running shorts

B for Bounce

For us runners some moving flesh can be problematical. Underwear providing a bit of support can be the difference between being able to sit comfortably post run and being forced to apply anaesthetic cream in places you rather wouldn’t.

Score yours as follows:

0 = I run commando, bounce hardens you up

1= OMG, there’s a flesh rollercoaster down/back there, it’s all unrestrained

2= I yelp occasionally when my parts get out of synch

3= An occasional hiccup, but otherwise it’s settled nicely

4= Firm without constriction

5= There ain’t nothing going on down there

C – Chafeability

The feel of your undergarment fabric can change your whole demeanour, for better or worse

Score yours as follows:

0= I’ve already told you, running commando makes me ‘meanour’

1= I think they call it glass paper at B&Q, this material takes no prisoners, I’m on my way to A&E

2= Hessian is not as eye-watering as you may think and runner’s lube helps

3=  I gasp occasionally in the shower – as a consequence my partner is somewhat suspicious

4= Seamless, wicking technology – need I say more?

5= My personal shopper sourced the most wonderful, hand woven Tibetan silk underwear. Please define chafe for me.

D for Dirt Management

Running underwear needs laundering, most of us can’t afford the time or have the inclination for special treatment

Score as follows:

0= Commando baby, nothing necessary

1= Handwoven Tibetan silk requires a Tibetan silk hand washing specialist, luckily I can afford one

2= Who doesn’t use a dry cleaner?

3= Hand washing preferred, with like minded clothing, we don’t like conditioner

4= Washing machine but please make it gentle with no tumble drying

5= Washing machine – any programme, these babies are indestructible

E for Expensively Branded

Running is supposed to be cheap, but as we know that’s not really true especially if you fall prey to ‘swoosh envy’, so how does your underwear size up on cost?

Score as follows:

0= I’ve told you so many times, I go commando, no cost impact for me, but my partner doesn’t like touching my running shorts

1= Handwoven Tibetan silk, doesn’t come cheap and my undies don’t either

2= Usain Bolt recommended these and he deserves the money

3= Goldilocks Porridge – just right

4= I’ve got money left over for lube

5= How cheap?!?, Better buy a multi-pack

F for Form

We’ve all fooled ourselves from time to time over the form of our clothing, for example ‘I did look good in the 80s’. Your choice of shape/type of underwear speaks volumes about you as a runner.

Score yours:

0= Runnng commando, my form is perfect and I won’t hear otherwise. I actually don’t hear otherwise as no-one will or does run with me

1 – I do everything in my boxers, although I concede they do look odd over my running shorts

2 – Going for a thong, who doesn’t like a cheesecutter?

3 – The old, grey faithful, no longer recognisable in form, colour or age. I can’t even be sure that they’re not my partner’s knickers

4 – My Bridget Jones Big Pants – my wife/husband says they suit me and provide a very useful tummy tuck service at the same time

5 –  Proper, pucker, perfect running knickers. No seams, wicking technology, no riding up with wear – heaven in a brief.

For scoring – anyone with a zero score – I think we all know how you run, more or less naked and most definitely alone. 😉

The higher the score the better the knicker. You can find the excel sheet here, to help you score your drawers

kNAFFTA2019

P.s. Run Done – same issues as yesterday – the fog meant Map My Run recorded me as doing 56kms today

Playlist

Dad Dancing Classics

Come On Eileen – Dexys

Money For Nothing – Dire Straits

Ballroom Blitz – Sweet

This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us – Sparks

Sit Down – James

Jump Around – House of Pain

Oops Up Side Your Head – The Gap Band

Bat Out Of Hell – Meatloaf

Rockin’ All Over The World – Status Quo

Papas Got A Brand New Pigbag – Pigbag

Born To Run – The Boss

Greased Lightning – John Travolta

Dreadlock Holiday – 10cc

Mr Blue Sky – ELO

I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred

Timewarp – The Rocky Horror Show Cast

Tubthumping – Chumbawumba

Pretty Vacant – Sex Pistols

Prince Charming – Adam and The Ants

Living On A Prayer – Bon Jovi

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

Sex On Fire – Kings of Leon

Stats

Distance 10.08km

Time 1:05:08

Average Pace 6:27

Elevation Gain – indeterminable

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 1674.64

Kms To Run 343.36

 

 

 

16 Oct – Haven’t The Foggiest

forest under clouds
This is not the view on my run, but this is nicer!

Tuesday morning  and the upsides:-

  • yesterday was rest day
  • I don’t have a migraine
  • it’s misty, which makes it easier to run as it’s not so hot

Downside:-

  • GPRS gets confused

And how GPRS got confused today! Map My Run claimed I ran 81.18kms in one hour and 6 minutes my new personal best of 48 seconds a km. Take that Usain – who is the lightning bolt now? How I wish any of that was true – the distance, the speed and the elevation gains were all over the place.

But this was a well-trodden path; luckily I have on a previous  run recorded this route and the distance was not lost. I started out happily onto Mill Lane – no-one there. Lovers’ Lane and Bali – no-one. Hill that Kills – no-one. Bendy, Scary Road – no-one. Royston Vasey – no-one. War of the World’s Lane – at last humankind is in sight, I thought everyone had been abducted by aliens. There ahead of me was Hairy Biker Man and Artur his dog. HBM was wearing blue tinted aviator sunglasses, Artur just his collar,  and me wearing a bemused look. It was foggy, why was HBM wearing sunglasses? But then, Italians in my experience, always manage to look cool, and he did, although I would have looked ridiculous wearing them in the fog… 🙂

I don’t know him well enough to ask, I’m only really on petting terms with Artur and it seems a tad impertinent to ask. Arthur is 4 years old and likes a long walk, his un-named companion dog was at home as she is 15 and not up to the long walks.

It was nice to see them and stop for a chat, except for one slight thing, I had been running quite pacily and this was definitely an unscheduled stop, but a nice one nonetheless. Clearly, HBM and Artur each had a magnetic field to attract more folk out, because shortly after I saw my first cyclist and then two walkers.

Lovely, misty run – not 81kms but a touch over 10km, nor was it a lightning bolt run, but it’s not bad for an old girl!

Playlist

Mummycav playlist – thanks Bev for reminding I hadn’t played this in a while

Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

Layla – Derek And The Dominoes

Darling Nikki – Prince

Ophelia – The Band

Queen Of Clubs – KC and The Sunshine Band

Uma Thurman – Fall Out Boy

St Xenia – Katina

Oh Yoko – John Lennon

Teresa – Eddie Cochran

Alison – Elvis Costello

Eloise – The Damned

Sherry – Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Francine – ZZ Top

Helena -My Chemical Romance

The Jean Genie – David Bowie

Poison Ivy – The Lambrettas

Respect – Aretha Franklin

Caroline – Status Quo

Girls Just Want To Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper

Kayleigh – Marillion

Maggie May – Rod Stewart

Wendy – the Beach Boys

Zoe Jane – Staind

Stats

Distance 10.08km

Time 1:06:05

Average Pace 6:33

Elevation Gain – 47 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1664.56

Kms to Run 353.44

 

 

14 Oct – The Search For Red October Goes On

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Bin Lane isn’t all bins…

 

or more precisely red October’s migraine source. Sunday morning, Mr JCR is off cycling at ridiculous o’clock despite us not getting home until after 2am. I wake up and the red mist has already descended, not anger – but another effing migraine or maybe it is the remainder of yesterday’s making itself felt once more, with hazy sight and an icepick attacking my retina.

Having vowed off the rose, my total alcohol consumption as the self-designated driver last night, was three sips of prosecco and one sip of sweet fizz, to toast the birthday girl. This is hardly the stuff of conspicuous consumption or an alcohol dependency, but clearly something is not agreeing with me.

I’ve stopped the HRT, which seemed to help. I’ve cut down on my alcohol consumption, to the point where I feel both virtuous and virtually teetotal, yet the sledgehammers and pickaxes are  still attacking me.

I didn’t eat chocolate yesterday, nor cheese – two of the favoured food migraine triggers. Maybe it is just one of those things, I am miffed, really miffed. I don’t understand why all of a sudden it’s a problem. Had the MRI scan – nothing, had an eye test only this week, in case it was a case of eye strain/similar – nothing.

Or is it just a case of WMAS? Whatever it is, I do wish it would go away. Losing half your day to a pounding head is a complete and utter waste of time.  Okay rant over – I did manage to get out and fortunately I only had a planned 5km to do.

A quick route to the café saw me take in Royston Vasey Ridgeway, where out of the village I spotted road markings for the local running club’s annual 12km/5km/dog walk/fun walk event. The arrows indicated the 12km route – they were pointing uphill to some particularly nasty gradients. Luckily for me my plan was more modest and not up those pesky hills…

I took it slowly to avoid increasing the pounding in my head and entered fish shop village, where to my embarrassment the finish gate for the event was still in place. I snuck around the back of it, so it didn’t look like I was a running ‘bandit’. There were quite a few fit looking folk carrying their medals and goodie bags, which we were told contained a pair of running shorts and a bag of pasta.

I managed to pootle off without attracting any attention and continued a gentle pace to Bin Lane and beyond. At the café I met Mr JCR – he’d kindly dropped by to rescue me from the walk home up the Bitch of a Pitch – funnily enough she doesn’t seem quite as bad in the car.

6kms done, despite red October’s provocation – and a dry week beckons in the name of finding out whether being virtuous gets rid of migraines.

Playlist

Planet Earth – Duran Duran

Glory Days – The Boss

See You – Depeche Mode

Rumour Has It – Depeche Mode

You Love Us – The Manics

Night Fever – Bee Gees

All Those Things I’ve Done – The Killers

Let’s Stick Together – Bryan Ferry

Let’s Go Crazy, Darling Nikki, When Doves Cry – His Purple Highness

Stats

Distance 6.42

Time 43:45

Average Pace 6:49

Elevation Gain 12 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1654.48

Kms to run 363.52

 

 

13 Oct – It’s Never Too Late for An Eight

clear wine glass
Is this my nemesis?

 

Thump, thump, thump goes my head and yes another migraine, funnily enough after having drunk some wine last night. That’s the sum total of 1.5 glasses of rose and a snifter of prosecco. Today’s reward for last night’s indulgence is an ice pick headache – oh joy.

I’ve tried running with headaches and it is too painful, the pounding of your feet seems to worsen the pounding in your head. I have one nuclear grade migraine tablet left before we get back to London, so settle for an unhealthy dose of  Paracetomol instead. 5 hours of sleep later at 2pm, I rise to go for my planned ‘morning’ run – given the headache is now just a muffled thud, I decide a gentle trot is in order.

I appear to have missed another beautiful morning, we still have temperatures of 20 degrees+ with glorious sunshine to boot. I take my time down the Slope of Hope and pootle up the Hill That Kills, onto Lover’s Lane where I find numerous picnickers taking advantage of the last of the ‘summer’ sun. Some hunters are loading their beagles and guns back into their 4X4s – I’m not sure where they hunt, as most of the land in this area is agricultural and hunting is specifically banned if you are displaying the appropriate notices.

They overtake me on my run back up Lover’s Lane  and we part company, I aim back towards Mill Lane and take the Slope of No Hope back up towards Argo’s Loop.  I manage to do my stealth ninja impersonation past the beagle kennels, but failed miserably going past the yappy house, where the horrid monsters did their usual leaping and barking and received an Angle Saxon tongue-lashing for their trouble. I’m not entirely sure the lady of the house knew what I was saying to her dogs, but she must have known from my tone of voice that it wasn’t complimentary.

I took Laundry Lane to complete my run, – I had in plan to do 8km and just squeaked past that at 8.3km. It was very slow today, but I forgive myself as I really wanted to get out and a slow eight km is much much better than nothing at all.  Another night out tonight, I think I’ll be passing on the rose.

Playlist

The C25K Mentor List

Keep On Running – Spencer Davis Group

Snail – The Smashing Pumpkins

Happy Pharrell Williams

Smile – Lily Allen

Pink Panther Theme – Henry Mancini

Smile – Gregory Porter

Nowhere Fast – Eminem and Kehlani

Hey You The Rock Steady Crew – Rock Steady Crew

Compression – Francesco Digilio

To Jan – Leonard Anderson (aimed at a c25K mentor not me!)

Miami Vice Theme – Jan Hammer

Running Up That Hill – Kate Bush

Ju Ju Man – Dave Edmunds

Marathon – Rush

The Streak – Ray Stevens

There Are More Questions Than Answers – Johnny Nash

The Winner – Status Quo

Rise – Thea Gilmore

Tread Softly – Tiny Ruins , Hamish Kilgour

Runnin’ Down A Dream – Tom Petty

 

Stats

Distance 8.31

Time 1:05:04

Average Pace 7:49

Elevation Gain 76 metres 

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1648.06

Kms to run 369.94

10 Oct – Who Knew?

 

that Babbo Natale is actually a running coach?

Not me for sure, I saw him on my recovery run today, and not only was he on his moped, but he was shadowing a lady runner as she did some circuits. All this time, he’s been leading a double life – delivering presents at Christmas and a running coach for the rest of the year.

But I am somewhat perplexed – anyone who has seen my progress in running, would see I am probably in need of some coaching too and he has kept schtum. The one thing I can say is that I was running marginally faster than the other lady, although I was on the 4km mark and nicely warmed up, whereas she looked as though she’d just started. Maybe I should put personal coaching from Babbo Natale on my Christmas list.

Today’s route took me up Mill Lane, Lovers’ Lane and a sleepy Villa Bali where a guy was sunbathing on the grass  – rather him than me – there’s lots of biting insects around at this time of year. I’m nursing bites received through my lycra!

At the 3km mark I took a detour to Argo’s loop and managed to sneak past the beagle kennels, without them stirring and then past the horrid yappy dog house, where I got past and they started barking once I’d gone. Onto Laundry Lane and there was Babbo Natale doing his secretive running coaching. He waved and smiled as I ran past in the other direction. After 0.5km I looped back and saw him once more, and he said Ciao. Shortly after my 5km target was reached. Recovery run done. Now Babbo Natale – what did you think of my technique and stride length?

Playlist

Countries/Places

Une Nuit A Paris – 10cc

Is This The Way To Amarillo – Tony Christie

London Calling – The Clash

Maid of Orleans – OMD

Belfast Child – Simple Minds

California Dreamin’ – Mamas and Papas

Avalon – Roxy Music

Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel

San Francisco – Scott Mackenzie

Go Wild In The Country – Bow Wow Wow

Downtown – Petula Clark

Africa – Toto

Stats

Distance 5.33km

Time 37:30

Average Pace 7:02

Elevation Gain 35 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1629.31

Kms To Run 388.69

 

9 Oct – Running Mathematics

IMG_2756

Target 10km

Achievement 11km

Result  = 1km put in the running bank and 1 smiley runner

Playlist

The weather has improved and my weather playlist seemed appropriate as it was a fun run in the sun.

Misty Blue – Dorothy Moore

Thunder Road – The Boss

It’s Raining Men – The Weather Girls

I Won’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me – Nik Kershaw

Something In The Air – Thunderclap Newman

Mr Blue Sky – ELO

Ain’t No Sunshine – Lighthouse Family

Thunder In My Heart – Meck and Leo Sayer

Purple Rain, Thunder – His Purple Highness

Downpour  – Backstreet Boys

Sunshine After The Rain – Berri

Walking On Sunshine – Katrina And The Waves

Boogie Shoes – KC and The Sunshine Band

Cold As Ice – Foreigner

Sunny – Boney M

Lightning Bolt – Jake Bugg

The Real Slim Shady – Eminem

Summer Breeze – The Isley Brothers

Cold Cold Man – Saint Motel

Warmth – Bastille

Sunshine On a Rainy Day (twice)– Galimar

Boogie Nights – Heatwave

House Of The Rising Sun – The Animals

Cloudbusting – Kate Bush

Lightning Strikes – The Black Seeds

 

Stats

Distance 11.11km

Time 1:21:49

Average Pace 7:21

Elevation Gain 87 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1623.98

Kms to Run 394.02 -brilliant  Im now on the threes…

8 Oct – Babbo Natale is Back

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Babbo Natale 

 

Sunday was a run day, and it became reordered due to a pesky migraine. I did get up late to do my run at 10 o’clock – evening not morning – Sunday therefore became a ‘no run’ day. I estimate I’ve lost about 100km this year due to migraines, which is somewhat irritating but the situation is improving, so fingers crossed that’s the limit of impact reached.

Today’s run needed to be a good one on distance to make up for the slippage. Mr JCR promised to pick me up at the cafe, giving me a +/-10km target for today.

Monday’s are always sleepy and today was no different. Up to Mill Lane the crunch of leaves and a few slippy acorns underfoot led me into Lovers’ Lane. Ahead of me Mr & Mrs Walking Sticks, I’ve seen them a few times over the summer, I think they must do mid-morning walks as I rarely see them early on in the day. Mr WS was very polite and stepped out of my way when I pootled past and on my return loop, they both said buongiorno.

Down the Hill That Kills and onto the Bendy, Scary Road, I was warming up nicely and then tasted my water. Eeeuuggghh it was full of saline – we evidently have an issue with our water softener, as this is the second time in a week. Okay never mind, just focus on getting the run done without water – luckily as it’s cooler I don’t need as much so it’s hardly a crisis. As I was wiping my mouth one of the many Puntos  here passed me – it was Babbo Natale and he tooted me. My assumption is that it was a toot of recognition rather than irritation.

Onto fish shop village, just about hitting the 8km mark and I was passed by a very bright lime green cyclist, talking on his mobile phone, whilst he was being overtaken by a car. Brave or stupid – you decide.

Up to Bin Lane where all was quiet and my run passed without incident – after the 9km mark a little dog joined me for a jog – he lasted about 25 metres and then turned back home. He was much nicer than the nasty, yappy, jumpy dogs in Argo’s loop. Finally, I hit 10km on the All Roads Lead To Rome road, and whilst my legs were a bit tired, I felt I’d had a lovely run out, seeing Babbo Natale and meeting a new dog friend, oh and passing the 1,000 mile mark which, for the curious amongst you, is 1609.34kms.

Playlist

Disco Divas

Ring My Bell – Anita Ward

I Say A Little Prayer – Aretha

Yes Sir, I Can Boogie – Baccara

Cruel Summer – Bananarama

Sunny – Boney M

Young Hearts Run Free – Candi Staton

I Feel For You – Chaka Khan

Hot Stuff – Donna Summer

Love Come Down – Evelyn Champagne King

Rhythm Is Gonna Get You – Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine

Pul Up To The Bumper – Grace Jones

Ain’t Nothing Going On But the Rent – Gwen Guthrie

Somebody Else’s Guy – Jocelyn Brown

Funkytown – Lipps Inc

Borderline – Madonna

Forget Me Nots – Patrice Rushen

Stir It Up – Patti LaBelle

Jump, I’m So Excited – Pointer Sisters

Car Wash – Rose Royce

Ain’t Nobody – Rufus and Chaka

Let The Music Play – Shannon

Lost In Music – Sister Sledge

How Will I Know – Whitney Houston

Stats

Distance 10.42km

Time 1:11:13

Average Pace 6:49

Elevation Gain 43 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1612.87

Kms To Run 405.13 ( three hundreds in sight!)