16 Oct – The kNAFFTAs* are here

white clothes line trousers past
*Knickers and Foundation Fitness Training Awards – the ‘k’ is silent


In English we have a phrase ‘don’t get your knickers in a twist’ or a knot is also a variant on the adage. This came to mind during my run this morning. It occurred to me that whilst I had created a scoring method for my sports bras, I hadn’t done the same for the nether region’s needs. What’s good enough for upstairs is good enough for downstairs, so here we go.

Here is my indispensable guide to working out whether your running/sporting undergarments pass muster.

A  – Appearance

In relationships, for some of us, looks are all. Others prefer character or even a good sense of humour. How your underwear looks may just make the crucial difference between running and running scared.

Score yours as follows:

0= Who said knickers were necessary? I run commando.

1= I re-purposed granny’s bloomers/ grandad’s plus-fours, they are a bit bulky under the lycra

2= Other than the rotting elastic, they’re looking good for 10 years wear

3= So-so, I wouldn’t die of shame if my shorts fell down

4= Nearly new, neat and rather natty

5= The haute couture of knickers, I prefer to be seen in these rather than my running shorts

B for Bounce

For us runners some moving flesh can be problematical. Underwear providing a bit of support can be the difference between being able to sit comfortably post run and being forced to apply anaesthetic cream in places you rather wouldn’t.

Score yours as follows:

0 = I run commando, bounce hardens you up

1= OMG, there’s a flesh rollercoaster down/back there, it’s all unrestrained

2= I yelp occasionally when my parts get out of synch

3= An occasional hiccup, but otherwise it’s settled nicely

4= Firm without constriction

5= There ain’t nothing going on down there

C – Chafeability

The feel of your undergarment fabric can change your whole demeanour, for better or worse

Score yours as follows:

0= I’ve already told you, running commando makes me ‘meanour’

1= I think they call it glass paper at B&Q, this material takes no prisoners, I’m on my way to A&E

2= Hessian is not as eye-watering as you may think and runner’s lube helps

3=  I gasp occasionally in the shower – as a consequence my partner is somewhat suspicious

4= Seamless, wicking technology – need I say more?

5= My personal shopper sourced the most wonderful, hand woven Tibetan silk underwear. Please define chafe for me.

D for Dirt Management

Running underwear needs laundering, most of us can’t afford the time or have the inclination for special treatment

Score as follows:

0= Commando baby, nothing necessary

1= Handwoven Tibetan silk requires a Tibetan silk hand washing specialist, luckily I can afford one

2= Who doesn’t use a dry cleaner?

3= Hand washing preferred, with like minded clothing, we don’t like conditioner

4= Washing machine but please make it gentle with no tumble drying

5= Washing machine – any programme, these babies are indestructible

E for Expensively Branded

Running is supposed to be cheap, but as we know that’s not really true especially if you fall prey to ‘swoosh envy’, so how does your underwear size up on cost?

Score as follows:

0= I’ve told you so many times, I go commando, no cost impact for me, but my partner doesn’t like touching my running shorts

1= Handwoven Tibetan silk, doesn’t come cheap and my undies don’t either

2= Usain Bolt recommended these and he deserves the money

3= Goldilocks Porridge – just right

4= I’ve got money left over for lube

5= How cheap?!?, Better buy a multi-pack

F for Form

We’ve all fooled ourselves from time to time over the form of our clothing, for example ‘I did look good in the 80s’. Your choice of shape/type of underwear speaks volumes about you as a runner.

Score yours:

0= Runnng commando, my form is perfect and I won’t hear otherwise. I actually don’t hear otherwise as no-one will or does run with me

1 – I do everything in my boxers, although I concede they do look odd over my running shorts

2 – Going for a thong, who doesn’t like a cheesecutter?

3 – The old, grey faithful, no longer recognisable in form, colour or age. I can’t even be sure that they’re not my partner’s knickers

4 – My Bridget Jones Big Pants – my wife/husband says they suit me and provide a very useful tummy tuck service at the same time

5 –  Proper, pucker, perfect running knickers. No seams, wicking technology, no riding up with wear – heaven in a brief.

For scoring – anyone with a zero score – I think we all know how you run, more or less naked and most definitely alone. 😉

The higher the score the better the knicker. You can find the excel sheet here, to help you score your drawers


P.s. Run Done – same issues as yesterday – the fog meant Map My Run recorded me as doing 56kms today


Dad Dancing Classics

Come On Eileen – Dexys

Money For Nothing – Dire Straits

Ballroom Blitz – Sweet

This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us – Sparks

Sit Down – James

Jump Around – House of Pain

Oops Up Side Your Head – The Gap Band

Bat Out Of Hell – Meatloaf

Rockin’ All Over The World – Status Quo

Papas Got A Brand New Pigbag – Pigbag

Born To Run – The Boss

Greased Lightning – John Travolta

Dreadlock Holiday – 10cc

Mr Blue Sky – ELO

I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred

Timewarp – The Rocky Horror Show Cast

Tubthumping – Chumbawumba

Pretty Vacant – Sex Pistols

Prince Charming – Adam and The Ants

Living On A Prayer – Bon Jovi

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

Sex On Fire – Kings of Leon


Distance 10.08km

Time 1:05:08

Average Pace 6:27

Elevation Gain – indeterminable

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 1674.64

Kms To Run 343.36




13 Oct – It’s Never Too Late for An Eight

clear wine glass
Is this my nemesis?


Thump, thump, thump goes my head and yes another migraine, funnily enough after having drunk some wine last night. That’s the sum total of 1.5 glasses of rose and a snifter of prosecco. Today’s reward for last night’s indulgence is an ice pick headache – oh joy.

I’ve tried running with headaches and it is too painful, the pounding of your feet seems to worsen the pounding in your head. I have one nuclear grade migraine tablet left before we get back to London, so settle for an unhealthy dose of  Paracetomol instead. 5 hours of sleep later at 2pm, I rise to go for my planned ‘morning’ run – given the headache is now just a muffled thud, I decide a gentle trot is in order.

I appear to have missed another beautiful morning, we still have temperatures of 20 degrees+ with glorious sunshine to boot. I take my time down the Slope of Hope and pootle up the Hill That Kills, onto Lover’s Lane where I find numerous picnickers taking advantage of the last of the ‘summer’ sun. Some hunters are loading their beagles and guns back into their 4X4s – I’m not sure where they hunt, as most of the land in this area is agricultural and hunting is specifically banned if you are displaying the appropriate notices.

They overtake me on my run back up Lover’s Lane  and we part company, I aim back towards Mill Lane and take the Slope of No Hope back up towards Argo’s Loop.  I manage to do my stealth ninja impersonation past the beagle kennels, but failed miserably going past the yappy house, where the horrid monsters did their usual leaping and barking and received an Angle Saxon tongue-lashing for their trouble. I’m not entirely sure the lady of the house knew what I was saying to her dogs, but she must have known from my tone of voice that it wasn’t complimentary.

I took Laundry Lane to complete my run, – I had in plan to do 8km and just squeaked past that at 8.3km. It was very slow today, but I forgive myself as I really wanted to get out and a slow eight km is much much better than nothing at all.  Another night out tonight, I think I’ll be passing on the rose.


The C25K Mentor List

Keep On Running – Spencer Davis Group

Snail – The Smashing Pumpkins

Happy Pharrell Williams

Smile – Lily Allen

Pink Panther Theme – Henry Mancini

Smile – Gregory Porter

Nowhere Fast – Eminem and Kehlani

Hey You The Rock Steady Crew – Rock Steady Crew

Compression – Francesco Digilio

To Jan – Leonard Anderson (aimed at a c25K mentor not me!)

Miami Vice Theme – Jan Hammer

Running Up That Hill – Kate Bush

Ju Ju Man – Dave Edmunds

Marathon – Rush

The Streak – Ray Stevens

There Are More Questions Than Answers – Johnny Nash

The Winner – Status Quo

Rise – Thea Gilmore

Tread Softly – Tiny Ruins , Hamish Kilgour

Runnin’ Down A Dream – Tom Petty



Distance 8.31

Time 1:05:04

Average Pace 7:49

Elevation Gain 76 metres 

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1648.06

Kms to run 369.94

12 Oct – Hot or Cold?


I had cold feet about getting up for my run – mainly laziness. But the weather was hotting up, so after much faffing I finally got out. What a glorious October morning, 18 degrees, sunny, no breeze and very little traffic around.

The usual long run route from home to the coffee shop, taking in the delights of Mill Lane, Lovers’ Lane, The Hill That Kills, Bendy Scary Road, Royston Vasey, Fish Shop Village and Bin Lane.

At Bali, I spotted the roses basking in the morning sun, and they were beautifully fragranced too. Summer’s last rays of sunshine encouraging the late flowering.  This was quite prophetic for my run, as I was a little slow on my feet at this point, I think the September reduced runs are having an impact and I’m a little less used to doing longer distances. Still October will get me back on track. The downside of the sun, is that the pesky biting insects are around and I’m nursing two bites on my legs which line up perfectly with my capri seams. It’s not an elegant run when I have to stop for a scratch and hope that no-one sees me.

Onto Royston Vasey and I smiled when I saw the hot water bottle cover on the washing line – at this point it was about 20 degrees and it seemed really incongruous, given I was boiling hot and rolling up my capris to cool down somewhat.

At the 6km mark, the late flowering came into effect personally and I managed two kilometres at under 5.50 pace, which is quite a rate for me, especially in the sun. Eminem and ‘Lose Yourself’ did help as it’s one of my favourite running tracks, then All Saints made an appearance with ‘Never Ever’ which also kept me trotting along nicely. Of course this pace wasn’t sustainable, but it’s the first time in a while I’ve done sub 6 minutes per km.

Bin Lane came into view and I had to slow down, but another 10km clocked on the challenge, on a day that started with cold feet and ended up with a happy hot runner.


Ju-Ju’s 90’s Playlist

Get Here – Oleta Adams

Don’t Need The Sunshine – Catatonia

Say My Name – Destiny’s Child

Lose Yourself – Eminem

Never, Ever – All Saints

Love Is All Around – The Wets

Barbie Girl – Aqua

Believe – Cher

Wannabe – Spice Girls

Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor

The Power – SNAP!

Gangsta’s Paradise – Coolio

Move Any Mountain, Ebeneezer Goode – The Shamen

I See You Baby – Groove Armada

Devotion – Nomad

The Key, The Secret – Urban Cookie Crew

Everybody’s Free – Rozalla

Baby One More Time – Britney Spears

Dub Be Good To Me – Beats International


Distance 10.44km

Time 1:08:00

Average Pace 6:30

Elevation Gain  47 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1639.75

Kms to Run 378.25




9 Oct – Running Mathematics


Target 10km

Achievement 11km

Result  = 1km put in the running bank and 1 smiley runner


The weather has improved and my weather playlist seemed appropriate as it was a fun run in the sun.

Misty Blue – Dorothy Moore

Thunder Road – The Boss

It’s Raining Men – The Weather Girls

I Won’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me – Nik Kershaw

Something In The Air – Thunderclap Newman

Mr Blue Sky – ELO

Ain’t No Sunshine – Lighthouse Family

Thunder In My Heart – Meck and Leo Sayer

Purple Rain, Thunder – His Purple Highness

Downpour  – Backstreet Boys

Sunshine After The Rain – Berri

Walking On Sunshine – Katrina And The Waves

Boogie Shoes – KC and The Sunshine Band

Cold As Ice – Foreigner

Sunny – Boney M

Lightning Bolt – Jake Bugg

The Real Slim Shady – Eminem

Summer Breeze – The Isley Brothers

Cold Cold Man – Saint Motel

Warmth – Bastille

Sunshine On a Rainy Day (twice)– Galimar

Boogie Nights – Heatwave

House Of The Rising Sun – The Animals

Cloudbusting – Kate Bush

Lightning Strikes – The Black Seeds



Distance 11.11km

Time 1:21:49

Average Pace 7:21

Elevation Gain 87 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1623.98

Kms to Run 394.02 -brilliant  Im now on the threes…

29 Sep – Sweaty Heap



S = Saturday Morning, back in Le Marche after the Naples/Sorrento break – first kilometre a bit slow, as I get back into my running routine

W = Well, it’s a lot cooler here than in Sorrento, and my second kilometre is a bit laboured as practice running mini-laps outside of the house, before heading for the Slope of Hope

E = Effort is necessary to get me up the Hill That Kills, I’m not sure of the elevation gain but it is just on 1/3 of a km in length and all uphill and usually a bit of a test, early in a run. This was my third kilometre into Lovers’ Lane.

A = Against all my expectations, my pace improves and I get into a nice rhythm and even the barking beagles don’t give me grief when I pass them, well into my 4th kilometre.

T = Turning back towards home, I trot steadily and do a couple more mini-laps outside the house and this is when my monicker changes from JCR to JNKH – Jan Nearly Kills Herself. Unbeknown to me the car I heard behind me, actually took the slip road near me and I hadn’t heard her change tack, and so ran in front of her… Oops, that almost curtailed my 5th kilometre.

Y = Yikes, there’s a big nasty hornet buzzing near me. This year has been full of hornets, and each night one attacks our front door – it could be him… Being a sweaty runner, I often attract flies – I know – it’s not an attractive thought, and I hope desperately that my pheromones aren’t catnip to a hornet. Luckily for me he leaves me alone, and as I go towards the Slope of Hope once more I hit the 6km mark.

H = Help, I’m running up the Hill That Kills once more, and it’s getting warm, which is a bit of a problem as I am wearing a base layer and running capris, because it was much cooler early on. The sweat is pouring off me – Lovers’ Lane offers a little respite, but the Villa Bali loop is full sun again – I’m leaving a vapour trail behind me – eeugh. Still that’s 7km done.

E = Eight kilometres coming up and surprisingly, I see what I think is a fellow runner coming towards me, dressed in a ‘hornet’ type outfit. It is in fact a lady walker, wearing a dayglo yellow jacket, dark shorts and long socks. She’s making quite a pace and I feel a tad embarrassed as I’m a little tired and I’m sure she’s walking faster than I’m running…

A = Adjusting pace is called for, I’ve found that when I take a few days of rest from running, that my first run is always a little rusty. So I take it down a bit and find my running legs again. Back up the Hill That Kills and I make a mental note that if I can reach 10km, I will continue until I either hit the 10k or the natural end of the road, whichever is the further.

P = Part way down Lovers’ Lane and I hit the 10km mark, I continue until the end of the lane. Job done – a nice 10km+ to mark my return home. It wasn’t fast, and I was a very sweaty heap. Not a problem with the weather – just the wrong clothing. Another lesson learnt JCR, either get out earlier and wear layers or stay in bed (yay!!!) and wear lighter clothing. I’m guessing you can already tell what tomorrow’s clothing strategy will be.


Mistakes – Madness

Tired Of Waiting For You – The Kinks

Suspect Device – Stiff Little Fingers

Temptation – Heaven 17

Don’t Look Back In Anger – Oasis

Disco 2000 – Pulp

By The Way, Cabron – Red Hot Chilis

Dance Away, Avalon – Roxy Music

Wishing Well, Sign Your Name – Terence Trent D’Arby

Rio – Duran Duran

Born To Run – The Boss

Fuck You – Cee Lo Green

Walk Like An Egyptian – The Bangles

Runnin’ Down A Dream – Tom Petty

Purple Rain – His Purple Highness

Get Dancin’ – Disco Tex & His Sex-O-Lettes

Mony Mony – Billy Idol

Let’s Stick Together, Tokyo Joe – Bryan Ferry

Joan Of Arc – OMD

Rumour Has It – Adele

Everyday I Love You Less and Less – Kaiser Chiefs


Distance 10.3km

Time 1:17:41

Average Pace 7:32

Elevation Gain 65 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 1573.85

Kms to Run 444.15



22 Sep – Beating Mr JCR


The alarm has gone, it is a Saturday morning and for the first time in years I have actually beaten Mr JCR out of bed. Well strictly speaking I didn’t, as he made the welcome mug of tea, but I actually left the house for a run before he’d made any proper moves. This merits a mention as it happens almost as often as solar eclipse.

I was on a time limit, I had more or less one hour to get in a run. We had a schedule to meet, and my running needed to be accommodated. I pootled out and made my way to the usual route. Being a Saturday, all was quiet save for the barking balcony house, where both dogs managed as usual to make me leap in the air. I don’t actually know how they manage it. I understand they have dog hearing and can hear my approach, not that the wheezing of a middle aged runner is undetectable to the human or dog ear. But it is their impeccable timing that gets me every time, just when I think I’ve got past them without a caterwaul, then comes the orchestrated barking in two different pitches, so if the smaller yap doesn’t make me leap then the larger, much louder bark does. Maybe they are the canine version of Jackass or similar and I am being secretly filmed for dog viewing pleasure

I made my way up the Hill That Kills, and it wasn’t the hill that could have damaged me it was another anonymous Punto careering around the corners. Mr JCR and I have this debate about the safest way to run – facing the traffic so you can see your assailant, or running with the traffic so you are blissfully unaware. I prefer seeing my would be assailant then if they do manage to hit me, they get a full blown Paddington stare before I hit the deck. The Punto had long since gone when the Paddington stare crossed my face,  and I don’t know if they heard me swear at them in my choicest Italian. Along to Lovers’ Lane – it is early and not even the kiosk man is around. I decide to head back to Mill Lane and am witnessed by a lady chef sitting outside her kitchen looking somewhat bemused at my efforts.

Onto the Slope of Hope once more towards Argo’s Loop and I cause a cacophony of barking from the beagle kennels, I head onto Laundry Lane for a quite kick back towards the chapel, do a u turn and complete another 3kms, bringing my total up to 8km.

It was a very nice, calm, gentle run – except for the psychopathic Punto driver, it was a glorious pootle, in a great temperature. I arrived home 5 minutes before my allotted ‘must get back’ time and was chuffed with my efforts.


Walking With Mr Wheeze – Madness

Slow Down – The Jam

Walking Down Your Street – The Bangles

I Am The Walrus – The Beatles

Get Dancin’ – Disco Tex And His Sex-O-Lettes

Electric Barbarella/The Reflex/All She Wants Is/Save A Prayer – Duran Duran

Live and Die/Joan of Arc – OMD

It’s Raining Men (twice) – The Weather Girls

She Sells Sanctuary  – The Cult

Personal Jesus/See You – Depeche Mode

Don’t You Want Me – Human League


Distance – 8.01km

Time 57:50

Average Pace 7:12

Elevation Gain – 67 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Run 1555.39

Kms to Do 462.61




15 Sep – Stodgy Seven


IMG_6609Wednesday – rest day – lovely

Thursday – mega migraine – not so lovely – so no running

Friday – friends arriving, spent the day and night well, but perhaps not wisely – again no running

Saturday morning arrived, and I surveyed the evidence before me.  Aha I appear to have a slightly podgy and noisy tummy, due to the night before celebratory meal. This was a welcome do for our friends H&A who had come for a cycling weekend with Mr JCR and his Italian club. The celebration dinner was made up of the following courses:-

Risotto – Carbs

Pasta with cream and pancetta – Carbs, Fats & Protein

Pizza – various types – Carbs, Protein, Fats,Veggies

Chips – Carbs & Fats

More Chips – More Carbs and More Fat

Cake and Tiramisu – Carbs and Fat

Water, Wine, Beer, Limoncello, Liquorice Liquor and the local brew called Moretta (a combo of brandy, run and anise in hot espresso). Carbs…

As you can see a balanced diet, somewhat weighted towards the carbs. Which, if I was running a marathon in a couple of days, may have made a lot of sense, except I wasn’t. The sum total of all those carbs, weighed heavily both on conscience and definitely my stomach.

Saturday was planned to be 9km – 10km if I could. The portents weren’t good, the temperature had risen quite a bit and the incessant grumbling of my tum, suggested I perhaps wasn’t going to be securing any personal bests. Nonetheless it was a beautiful day; I decided to play it safe and run close to home on a small training loop, so if my tum decided to go nuclear, I wasn’t far from safety. I chose the boy band playlist, as a gentle and fun option to keep me going with cheesy songs.

Okay, the first kilometre pretty much set the scene for the remainder. Just under 8 minutes a km – and I could tell that every slice of pizza was now taking its toll. Still the first km is always slower, so I just gritted my teeth and got on with it. Down the Slope Of Hope and past the barking balcony house, no surprises today it was very quiet, and then up the Hill That Kills, and here I was quite surprised, although I felt sluggish, I didn’t actually have to stop to take a breather.

That gave me some impetus to continue, towards Lovers’ Lane, all was quiet and I got more into a running rhythm, at the second km stage, I managed just under 7 minutes a km. Not exactly troubling Mo Farah but an improvement. I pottered around to Mill Lane and made my way back down the Slope of Hope once more, on my second attempt at the hill that kills. She is a demanding hill when you’re not quite at your best and I did smile when PJ & Duncan came on with ‘Lets Get Ready To Rumble’ – I was rumbling very loudly – thank goodness there were no witnesses! As I made my way back up, she was definitely making it known that I needed to do some hill training.

At the top, I was given a welcome fillip when a local dog walker wished me good morning and a happy run. I’d managed to sustain a 7 minutes 15 seconds pace, which is pretty poor for me, but considering last night’s indulgence on food, I considered it was reasonable. At the 6km mark, I decided that 7km would be far enough, to allow for what felt like 3kg of carbs being carried in my middle. There is something self fulfilling about thinking you’re getting slower and deciding to stop – my final km was just under 8 minutes again. The power of the brain over the legs really showed.

Not my best run, but I was pleased I actually stuck at it and in the end I managed 7.23km, especially as it included some hill work.

A bit of a stodgy seven kilometres, not the nifty nine or terrific ten I had planned, but then to alter the well known adage, no plan ever survives the carbohydrate enemy.


A Little Bit More – 911

ABC – The Jackson 5

You Raise Me Up – Westlife

Stand And Deliver – Adam And The Ants

When You Say Nothing At All – Boyzone

I’ll Make Love To You – Boyz II Men

Stay Another Day – East 17

A Million Love Songs, It Only Takes A Minute, Shine – Take That

Shang – A -Lang – Bay City Rollers

Boxerbeat – Joe Boxers

Everybody, Quit Playing Games – Backstreet Boys

Let’s Get Ready To Rumble – PJ and Duncan

The Chauffeur – Duran Duran

Good Vibrations, Fun, Fun, Fun – The Beach Boys

Mama Do The Hump – The Rizzle Kicks

Everbody In Love – JLS


Distance 7.23km

Time 53:21

Average Pace 7:23

Elevation Gain – 55 metres

Alzheimer’s Challenge

Kms Done 1527.10

Kms To Do 490.90